Positive and Effective Reactions to Anti-LGBT Behavior

So I (I, Adam, the kid who's writing this) went to the GLSEN Boston annual conference last Saturday. I took a workshop called "You Can't Say That!", run by an awesome woman called Shantanette Patrice.

Here are my notes! It was a pretty interactive sort of workshop, so I imagine it changes every time she runs it, but I had a nice time and learned quite a bit.

Some initial thoughts on addressing anti-LGBT comments

A diplomatic, political way to address without attacking
Keeping it positive, keeping it going
Not just "shutting them up", if you can avoid it; actually conversing
Be preventative
Think about what not to do/say
Address the root of the problem—more than a "band-aid" quick fix
Try not to be aggressive or outright mean, not to their face, anyway
Not implying anything about, or defining, the victim in the situation. (For example, "It's okay that he's gay." Well, maybe he's not gay; don't assume.)
Not just "I can't say 'fag' around this person who yells at me for saying it"—I can't say it around ANYONE, and I shouldn't. That's the attitude that needs to be there.

First response when dealing with this kind of situation

Check your own feelings. Are you okay?
Will you use your voice? Use it well.
Make the situation BETTER, don't just break it up or even make worse

And then three courses of action:

Immediate

Stop. The. Behavior. Period.
Be polite. Your feelings are not the issue; the ISSUE (i.e. oppression, prejudice) is the issue
What does this person really mean to say, and why?

Interm

Offer alternative
So why shouldn't you say [x] anyway? What's wrong with it?
Lots of why, how, what do you mean, what does this imply
Checking in with everyone involved, subtly
Use humor without dismissing

Ongoing

Education
Get people off the defensive
Engage, be willing to answer questions. You opened the situation up by telling them not to be homophobic. A command doesn't really get you anywhere, whereas discussion just may
"Do you want to prove something?" "Is there something you want to say to me?" What is the homophobic person thinking, feeling, questioning?
Stress similarities—it's about disarming. "But I have a right to my opinion!" Validate them. "Yes, certainly. Telling you what to feel is completely out of line. But I am not telling you to feel a certain way. With your words you're invading people's rights, their spaces, their territory. (explain how) All I ask you to do is to keep it to yourself."

A sobering thought

"You are the fag"; you could be that "fag." So talk.